From Here to There

I originally stared this art piece because I do not know much about making 

abstract art yet I know I have what it take to figure it out.  

I, also, know that practice makes better.

Then I realized it was much more.

I wanted it to be a conduit for anyone out there watching 

who may want to paint yet are a little intimated.

Most times what seems like the scariest part is beginning.

Many artists experience hesitation because of the blank white canvas.

Often times they will scribble, splatter paint or do whatever to put something, anything on the canvas.

Painting/creating art has changed my life, for the better.  The way I see things.  My emotional well being.  It's given me an opportunity to grow.  I do not het hung up on petty shit that happens around me.  I could go on and on about all the benefits.

I would not consider myself to be an abstract artist, yet.  I'm OK with that.  I am simply enjoying the process, using a limited color palette, following my instincts, and loving every minute of it.

These are the different phases my art went thru.

1.

2.

3.

4.

FINAL

how to get out of your own way

My mind was swirling last night when I tried to sleep.  

I decided not to just lay there.  I got out of bed and went into my studio.

I pulled out supplies - water color paper, loose charcoal, charcoal pencils, PanPastels.

I said a little prayer of surrender...

I began...

she intuitively appeared

As much as I don't like to admit it there are times when 

fear, doubt, and worry creep into my thoughts and heart. 

I feel like I should have already dealt with this fear stuff and it should never rear it's ugly presence again.  

Then BOOM... here I am.  Wrapped up in it again!

I've identified what some of the outside triggers are.  Most times I am ready to meet them head on.  

Then there are times when all of sudden I'm in their grip.

To be honest, it usually happens when I have been remiss on focusing on the good in my life.

When I am lacking in my daily positive reinforcements.

It comes down to this...

I have choices.

I could hang onto those outside triggers and blame them for my fear

OR

I can accept reality that there is nothing or no one that can stop me from being who I am suppose to be or what I am suppose to doing with my life, EXCEPT me.

I get in my own frickin' way!  

The negative emotions and thoughts wrap themselves around me until I feel paralyzed as if I have no way out.  That's simply not true.

The truth is... I ALWAYS have a choice

I detest being in a negative space.  

It's when I do the hard soul work, focus on finding resolves,  make the necessary changes, and get back into my positive  routines  that I come back stronger,  perhaps a little wiser.

I'll remember this...

The only thing in my way is me.

Thank You for your 

continued support and encouragement.

Stand by Me

This is on my easel... I started her yesterday.  

I noticed I was getting hung up on details so I gave it a rest, then stopped..  

This morning when I approached it, again, I checked in with my heart.  

I continued with a free, trusting spirit.  

There is depth to this piece and the message it delivers.

Often when there is a shift, fear will rear itself up and cause you to be afraid to move forward.

No one ever wants to be alone in those times.

It's comforting to know that there are people out there who will Stand By You.

Thank You

I recently finished my first sculpture, title "Thank You"!

I am taking an on-line class, SoulBearers by Jeanne-Marie Art.

The work from the students in this class is exceptional.

 I had never done anything like this before.   I will admit that I was a little leery.

All I knew is I like to work with my hands.

Here is one of many lessons I have learned on my creative path.  When you feel fearful of something you have never done before is a sure sign you are moving in the right direction.  You don't have to know all the answers.  Just begin, right where you are.

The excitement is in the journey.  The fear you feel is an integral piece to the excitement puzzle.  I know it doesn't feel like it when you're in it, does it?  I've been there.  I still go there with each new step.

It thrills me when I acknowledge these lessons I learn while on my creative path run parallel to life lessons.   

Which is why... my art is from my heart.

Stand in your light

Often I (we) realize I am holding myself back from things I am truly capable of.  I (we) can conjure up many pliable reasons why I (we) can't do something yet when I (you)  dissect all those reasons it seems to always  boil down to fear.  Fear of failure...fear of being judged...fear of this or fear of that....it can even be fear of success!

I saw a video clip, on FaceBook  today, of this man who was in a wheel chair apparently he was a paraplegic.  He drove a big dump truck for a living.  He pulled himself up into the truck using only his arms.  From the seat of the truck he reached way down and disassembled his wheel chair, putting the pieces in the passenger seat of the truck. 

 Watching this video reinforced the meaning and depth behind my piece I created in my art journal yesterday.

I want so much for be able to make this art business successful, to be able to support myself financially, that I loose track of my true purpose.   Thus opening the door for a sorts of fears to come creeping in.  Some of them I don't even realize are there until I look deep.  At this juncture of my creative journey I want to "Stand In My Light".  What does that mean?  Well I  haven't totally been able to formulate into words yet, other than to just be me and do what I love.    I know what it means in my heart, tho.  That's the most important place.

My art comes from my heart.

Here are a few photos I took during the creation of this piece.  The middle one is the ugly stage.  This one used to stop me dead in the tracks until I learned the secret to "just keep going".

the sketch

beginning of shadows & highlights

the ugly stage

Thank You for all of your support and encouragement.

I couldn't do this without YOU!

I wanna see you be brave

Remember my previous post The Story Behind the Art. (click the link to read the post to understand this the rest of the story) It is a story about me creating, what I thought would  be, my signature piece.   Here is a photo just before I did the final steps to glue her down.  I was so very excited about this piece being my signature piece, the one who would identify me as an artist.  I had worked on her for about 2 days and on the 3rd day after drying all night I discovered she was ruined.  She had big bubbles all over her face and it looked like she had multiple hard cysts. Needless to say...my heart was broken.  It took me a little while, using centering techniques,  before I was able to accept it, learn some lessons and moved on.   I was able to salvage her head, not sure what to do with it.  Last night as I sat in my studio, I held her head in my hand and a little feeling of being deflated crept in.  After all, I had high hopes for her.

I turned on some music to divert my attention.  A song by Sara Bareilles came on and I literally felt chills come all over me.  I stopped-I listened!!  This song was speaking to me.  I went to the internet to retrieve the lyrics .  Here is the link for the lyrics for you to read.  One step further, I checked YouTube for a music video and found one.  I thought the video was in alignment with the song (please listen/watch the video on the left side) OMGoodness!  I was blown away.  This song was speaking to me in magical ways!!! There are ABSOLUTELY no words to describe the experience I was having.   It was within this time, I knew, for sure, what I was to do with my the salvaged face/head.  

Therefore; I began..........                       she is not perfect and wasn't intended to be.  Her face is warped and disfigured from her experiences. To me she represents the broken places in all of us.  Not just what people see on the outside but what is hidden deep within, most times we are the only ones who know.  All of the fear, insecurities, sadness, rejection, loneliness, judgement, the list could go on forever.  As the song says "kept on the inside and no sunlight~sometimes a shadow wins"

So here she is-being brave.  This message is as much for me as it is for anyone else.  Thank You, Sara Bareilles, for your song and for your message.

I wanna see you be brave. 

the story behind the art

Last week, Thursday, I oozed enthusiasm because I was in the midst off creating what I deemed would be my signature piece.  By Friday, it was hard for me to contain my excitement.  But, I did!  This was my second day working on this project, I felt it was worth every minute of it.  I only showed two people the preliminary photos.  I used some of the mediums that I enjoy creating with the most ~ joint compound and hot glue.  The background began with a layer of joint compound for texture.  After it was dry I gave it a coat of matte medium to seal it then I painted several layers of acyclic paint followed by stenciling and mark making.  The flowers + stems + the hand + her face and neck are all from hot glue. (and yes, I burned my fingers a lot!)  I  painted all of these items with several layers of acrylic paint to get it "just right".   After all the pieces were done I laid it all  out on the canvas to determine the placements.  That's when I snapped the photo.   By this time I was so excited that I could actually feel my heart smiling, too!  I was in artistic heaven!!   Saturday was met with trepidation because it was time to complete the project by gluing it down.  We all know what it's like to do the final stage on a piece of art.  It can be daunting.  I pushed thru fear and glued everything down.  It all seemed like a walk in the park.  I carefully placed it in another room to dry overnight. When I checked it this morning the first words from my mouth was "Holy Shit!  What the f**k happened?" The rest I will not repeat!  She was a BIG  mess!!! All over her face and neck were bubbles.  It looked like she had cysts all over her.  My heart sunk!  Most of my day has been devoted to trying to resurrect my would-have-been signature piece.  Nothing I did was flattening the bubbles.   Later this afternoon I succumbed to the fact that it was useless to try any further.  So you may wonder if I was disappointed?  The answer is YES, I was.  Altho... I didn't cry.  After a short while I did what I know best, I got out my journal and started writing.  I wrote about how much and what this piece meant to me,  I relived the pure joy from several days ago when she looked awesome (to me), I wrote about my sadness that all the work seemed to be a waste of my time.  I evaluated what I can do technically different the next time.  Last, but not at all least, I wrote about what I was to learn from this experience.  So many personal and spiritual thoughts rose to the surface.  From the very depth of my heart I can say that I am grateful for this experience.  My signature piece still lives within me and one day will be exposed.  I will continue to show up and inspiration will find me working.

I was able to salvage her head.  Not sure what to do with it.

As the Terminator says:  "I'll be back!"

my super hero cape

I found this TED talk on Kelly Rae Roberts blog.  

I listened to it and I invite you to take a moment (actually 17 minutes) to listen, too.  

She speaks about telling the story of who you are and the super hero capes that we wear.  There is one that I am fully aware that I wear that no longer serves me.   It is the cape of "having it all together".   I am not admitting to being one hot mess because I am not.   This is what I am saying… because of the "having it all together" cape that I wear I have an extremely difficult time asking for support or help.  Therefore I set myself up.  When in actuality, even though I am 61 yrs old.  I sometimes feel like this frightened little girl that just wants you to believe she is OK.  You know the… "I can do it myself" attitude.  As an adult it translates into "I am a strong confident woman".

When I opened the door and committed to following my creative path I put myself into unknown territory.  Except for bursts here and there, I feel I have lived my life in a safe and routine environment. This creative path has not only been about learning to paint/draw it's, also, about discovering more about who I am.  What my truth is.  One of my biggest fears has always been about being judged.  When I was wearing my "having it all together" cape I felt protected.  Well… I have thrown that cape away.  The people close to me have experienced me stepping out of that comfort zone and asking for their help.  Thank You for being there and "not judging me".

I look back at my art about "Simple Truths/Simple Reminders" and I see that I was telling a story.  My story that  transcends to other peoples' story.  I'm almost certain that at some point in our lives we all feel the same things, just a little different.

Since I have been on this creative journey I feel more alive and wouldn't trade it for the world.  Each day I am committed to SHOWING UP and trusting it will all work out.  No more "having it all together" cape and pretending it's all OK because sometimes it just isn't.  That's when I may call you for some help.  :-)

There...I said it!

I started this blog as a place to share my creative journey.  I know when I first started down this path I was thirsty to learn how others have made their way.  I wanted to know, within my heart,  if they could do it, then so could I.  I wanted to hear the truth.  So I began to read blogs.  If I felt connected to the artist/person I read their blogs faithfully and even devoured their older posts, as well.  I still read them.  It was those posts that gave me courage to take that first step toward following what I call my creative journey.   I wanted to hear about their struggles and how they overcame them,  about their successes so I could celebrate with them.

Brene' Brown says "Ordinary courage is about putting our vulnerability on the line."  I consider myself to be a private person,  I am not one to tell people of my woes and worries or of being vulnerable.  Therefore, I always appear to be strong.  I have been called Polly Anna many times because I choose to look for a lesson in any given situation, which I believe is actually a good thing.  The truth is I like Polly Anna!!!

I've been questioning myself...
IF I value the stories of  lessons learned by others who have chosen to follow their creative spirits
and
IF I learned from the stories they told about the hurdles they overcame
and
IF I was there to celebrate their successes
and
IF I wanted this blog to be about my creative journey
Then I will become more vulnerable to share not only the highs but the lows, as well, of my creative journey.

Today in meditation (I follow Deepak Chopra and Oprah  21 day meditation) Deepak said "Not knowing what is the next thing that will bring you joy is called The Wisdom of Uncertainty.  Be quiet and receptive inside, open your eyes, and the next thing you see may be a source of magnificent joy."  When I heard those words tears started streaming down my face.  It was those words I needed  to hear.

What a relief it is, because of my Polly-Anna personality, to know that what I am feeling has a title The Wisdom of Uncertainty.  Ever since I lost my job in February and decided I was going to follow my creative path full-time I've had this unspoken, underlying, uncertainty of fear.  There I said it!  I've never said those words out loud because I didn't want to jinx my belief that I am doing exactly what I am suppose to be doing.  Now I have come to understand that keeping them to myself was detrimental to me and my creative journey.  I will continue to show up everyday (in my studio), do the work (creating art), and let the Universe/God take care of the rest.  The difference is that the silent fear no longer has power over me, I spoke it out loud, I called it out!

I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your continued support and encouragement.

fireworks and joint compound

For those of you who have been following my creative journey this may be a little redundant yet I feel a snippet of my story is important to re-tell.  Why?  Because there are many people sitting on the sidelines believing they "are not creative", this is what I believed, too.    I am here to tell you that is not the truth.  You are creative!  Always have been, always will be.  You simply need to begin to let your creative spirit out to play.

February, three years ago, on my 58th birthday, was a time of awakening for me.  I knew there was more to life then the daily routine of getting up, going to work, coming home, making supper, going to bed, etc. etc. etc.  You know what I'm talking about.  I didn't dislike my life, I just knew there was something more.   That thought remained in my mind/heart for three months, not knowing what to do about it.  Then one day in August I held a pencil in my hand with paper on my desk and I drew a face-this face. ---->

I was so frickin' excited!  

It was in that moment I knew I was creative!!!

Since that time I have been, and still am, on a creative journey to discover who I am artistically.  At first, I had to squeeze time into my task oriented schedule.  Because it was important to me I was able to do that.  I'm trying all sorts of new techniques and I am finding that within each technique there is something that makes me squeal with excitement.  My biggest obstacle I am forever faced with is FEAR.  Fear of this or fear of that!  The more I am aware of this the more determination is sparked to achieve my dream in spite of it.  I heard the saying, "give me a slow beginner and I'll show you a winner".    Well...that's me!  A slow beginner.  My life has changed.  Now that I am expressing myself creatively, I am enjoying life on a whole new level.  I feel more alive from the inside out. 

Back in April I posted about the urge to paint big, yet I was intimidated (fear in disguise).   I pulled out a blank canvas that measures 24" x 36" and hung it on my Living Room wall until I could muster up the courage to begin.  

Feel free to click this link to read more.  http://www.asmilemaker.com/2014/04/yes-i-can-do-that.html  

Fast forward three months to July. (remember I confessed to being a slow beginner!) Today I brought the blank canvas up to my studio  and sat it on my easel to begin painting it.   I decided for my first large canvas will use a lesson from Donna Downey's 48 Weeks class as my inspiration.  It's the fourth of July and the fireworks and joint compound are flying in my studio followed by lots of oo's and ah's.  Note to self:  next time put a tarp or some protective covering on the floor!  :-)  I immediately felt the satisfaction of overcoming a fear by simply beginning.

Here's what I did so far.

I began by mixing gesso with Golden Fluid medium Payne's Gray.  Using more gesso at the top and less toward the bottom.  After that was dry I applied joint compound with a spatula to create clouds.  I allowed the  joint compound to dry a little before brushing more gesso in a circular motion over the joint compound.   As I sit here looking at the painting I feel perfectionism (this is a form of fear) creeping in.   It's time to haul this baby back into the Living Room to dry. 

I sure hope you will stay tuned and be a witness to the progression of this piece.  It will be exciting to have you celebrate with me overcoming fear and creating my first large canvas.

the naked truth

I am really hesitant when it comes to talking about what I am doing but since this blog is about my creative journey my intention is to bare it all.  

As you may or may not know I lost my job mid January due to restructuring of the company. (no moaning and groaning, please) At first it set me into a tail spin, oh hell, I'll even admit that I was frickin' lost.  Fourteen years is a long time.  It didn't take long for fear to set in by dangling all the "what ifs" in front of my face and trying to convince that doomsday had arrived.  Yes I was faced with the fact that I no longer had a steady job or a steady income.  But fear made it seem ten times worse.  I bought into it for a while.   I cried, I moped around, I felt really sad, I  felt broken.   All the while I kept my smile face on.   No one knew what I was feeling on the inside. 

It was around my birthday in February that I had had enough, I was tired of the pity party.  I resolved to pick myself up by the seat of the pants and move on.  The core of who I am has always believed that everything happens for a reason.  It's when we embrace the reality, get busy looking for the lesson(s) to be learned, and being grateful for what we do have that things will turn around.  Above all else is to have faith in the Universe/God.  That was my new approach.  I created a new routine.  I started going to the gym, I continued with my daily meditation followed by writing in my journal, and I immersed myself in creating art with abandon.   I look back at the artwork I have produced since January and my heart smiles because each piece mirrors this path I have been on.  

I firmly believe that this creative path I am on is exactly where I am suppose to be.  I'm not sure where is will take me, I just know that I will continue to put step in front of the other and be on merry my way.     

I can not be successful alone.  It takes people buying my art or items I make and sharing them with their friends and family.  I sincerely want to  my website as appealing as possible and your opinion would be extremely helpful.  I am open to constructive criticism.   Please browse thru my website at http://www.teresacashart.com and then send me an email at www.teresa@teresacashart.com providing me feedback.  I realize that your life is busy and I  am very grateful for your assistance.

another great Thursday

My friend, Heather, and I have been setting aside time on Thursdays to do something together.  What we do is usually spontaneous.  We laugh together, we have deep conversations together and we overcome fear together.  Fear-like visiting the art guild thinking it was out of our league as artists.  We even skipped down the side walk to psyche ourselves up only to realize that we actually fit right in. (imagine that!)  What a profound message we learned, "we had nothing to fear, except fear itself".    There is this spiritual meditation place that we have both wanted to learn more about yet we never acted on it.  On one Thursday we visited it together and it ended up being a very delightful place.  We chatted with two ladies in there and I know we brightened their day.  Later in the car we were talking about our experience and ended up laughing sooooo hard I had tears rolling down my face.  Even thinking about that time brings a huge smile to my face. 

Yesterday we treated ourselves to a nice relaxing morning at the spa.  We savoured time spent in the steam room before and after our hour long massages.  It was heavenly!!!!! This was time spent rejuvenating my body which will make it to my monthly "have to do list".   After the massage we enjoyed a meal together.  We dedicated this time to talk about our goals and our dreams.  I find it difficult to explain the impact it had on me to talk about my dreams outloud. When Kelly Rae Roberts (click to read her post) talks about how important it is to have a community around you, to encourage and support you, and you are able to do the same right back.   I now have a sense of what she is talking about.  Heather and I talked about many things.  Often we became animated because we got so excited.   We truly have within us to be whatever we want to be.  It makes my heart swell to know, really know that!  My word for 2013 is cultivate.  I want to cultivate my community.  Thank You, Heather, for being a good friend and for being part of my "tribe".



dreams

Someone asked me the other day what I had been up to and I wasn't sure how to answer.  Did she really want to know all the details or was it just a rhetorical question? I determined it was the latter so I said "not much". 

My objective is to look at life from a more positively position, than negative. Being negative doesn't serve me or anyone else.  I prefer to see life as either ebbing or flowing.  Just like with nature, it will change.  The last couple weeks I seem to be ebbing more than I would like.  One day I surrendered and stayed in bed all day - watched YouTube "how to" videos in between naps.   It actually ended up being a good thing. 

My art comes from my heart.  "Simple Truth/Simple Reminders"  I smile when I can see a piece of my art and know exactly what I was feeling when I created it.  This piece I did on 9/23/12, I was feeling like I wasn't getting anywhere with my dreams.  My message to myself was, it doesn't matter how long it takes or how you get there, just begin to follow the path of your dreams.  The tricycle is to symbolize how slow it can seem.  I was ebbing when I created this piece.

On 10/7/12 I created  this lady.  She most definitely is in deep thought, perhaps about her next adventure.  I used a new product, Faber-Castell Gelatos,  for her face that I will be using alot of now.  I learned about gelatos while watching YouTube "how to" videos the day I stayed in bed. (this was only one thing that turned out good from staying in bed that day)

I have come full circle, the ebb is gone and I am flowing, again.

Here is a piece of artwork from the on-line class I took with Donna Downey Canvas Create.  I made it for my neighbor's birthday, Maureen, who exudes love.

Another thing I did the day I stayed in bed all day was re-read my journal. What a revelation that was!  My journal is a place where I write everything, my hopes, my dreams, and my fears.  Many times within the past year I had written about a project that I felt I was suppose to do.  And because of fear or whatever, I haven't done anything with it.  I remember I let fear or whatever delay me beginning my creative I'm a Late Bloomer blog (read about it here) This blog was the best thing I could have ever done.  I am honored to share stories of some pretty awesome women who have creatively bloomed late.  There are many, many more women out there who need a little boost to let their creative spirit out to play. 

 

Well.... enough of holding back from moving toward my dreams.  I'm going for it.  It will be fun watching it unfold.  I feel my next piece of art stirring within my soul that will be called The Happy Dance, so stay tuned for the rest of the story!

connecting my dots

It's a beautiful early Thursday morning as sit in my studio writing in my journal.  A journal I started after I put myself thru The Artist's Way book, which I would highly recommend to everyone.  Sometimes I journal about "surface issues" of things that are on my mind.  Thru the process of writing I have revealed how those "surface issues" take much deeper things into things I need to look at.  Sometimes good-sometimes not so good.  I feel courageous and vulnerable at the same time as I explore.  I do know for fact that I am becoming more aware.

For those of you who know me, know that I am basically a private person.  I am not one who can easily confide in someone else if something is bothering me.  I know it's a trust issue.  I use to just hold everything on the inside and now I am able to write in my journal.  I just watched Oprah's Special Edition Life Class (I have all of them taped) where she showed pieces of interviews with well known people.  They all talked about how their past has shaped them.  I am going to embark upon looking at my past, writing about my past, and learning from my past.  I can readily acknowledge how events from my past have enforced my fears but I know there is more to my story.  And fear should not be the primary outcome.  If everything happens for a reason then I believe there's more to my story than fear.

artwork by Kelly Rae Roberts

As I finished writing the previous sentence, I paused for a moment and my eyes were immediately drawn to this piece of art on my wall.  I just love how messages can come to me when I most need it.  Everything in my life has shaped me to be the person I am today.  I want to take my life experiences, my past, and choose to look at it from a more conscious position.  To choose to look at those times with, also, a more grateful perspective  instead of the poor me view.  I guess, in short, I want to know me better.  When I learn and fully accept my past I will then be able to see myself and my future better.   As Steve Jobs said, "You can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards.  ...believing that the dots will connect down the road will give you the confidence to follow your heart, even when it leads you off the well worn path."  That's what I want!!!!!!  To connect my dots and move forward with enough confidence to continue to follow my heart.

I do have something, as they say, "in the pot stirring" and I'll tell you more later when I've done more soul searching.



I finally opened my Etsy shop! 

When I pressed the "Publish" button I was both excited and scared at the same time.  I didn't want my fear to take over so I turned to this supportive artists group I have on facebook called the "Fly Girls".  I told these ladies that I finally opened my shop and all kinds of encouraging comments came pouring in.  It was just the little boost I needed.  I will confess, to you,  that I have been procrastinating on opening my  Etsy shop.  I had so logical explanations, too, yet  the truth of the matter is it was FEAR.  That nasty 4 letter word.  Once I identified and truly accepted that I was afraid I knew then that I had to meet it head on.  Action is the way to do that.  And today was that day!

So everyone, come over and see my shop. I'm planning an official grand opening later.      

http://www.etsy.com/shop/teresacash

contemplating new beginnings

This piece of art I created represents my word for 2012.

BEGINNINGS

Since I've allowed my creative spirit out to play I have been discovering new beginnings, sometimes sparked with enthusiasm and sometimes laced with fear.  Beginnings hold the promise of new lessons to be learned.  As part of this creative process my intention is to continue to welcome the new beginnings which will bring promise, hope, and fear.   

I feel so blessed to be more in touch with my creative side that will no longer lay dormant and as a bonus I am learning more about myself.   

And to think it all started when I took one small step toward a new beginning.

"Contemplating New Beginnings"

CHECK OUT THE OTHER FELLOW FLYERS WHO ARE PARTICPATING IN THE "ONE LITTLE WORD" BLOG HOP @

                http://fly-tribe.blogspot.com/2012/01/wordhop-2012.html