how to get out of your own way

My mind was swirling last night when I tried to sleep.  

I decided not to just lay there.  I got out of bed and went into my studio.

I pulled out supplies - water color paper, loose charcoal, charcoal pencils, PanPastels.

I said a little prayer of surrender...

I began...

she intuitively appeared

As much as I don't like to admit it there are times when 

fear, doubt, and worry creep into my thoughts and heart. 

I feel like I should have already dealt with this fear stuff and it should never rear it's ugly presence again.  

Then BOOM... here I am.  Wrapped up in it again!

I've identified what some of the outside triggers are.  Most times I am ready to meet them head on.  

Then there are times when all of sudden I'm in their grip.

To be honest, it usually happens when I have been remiss on focusing on the good in my life.

When I am lacking in my daily positive reinforcements.

It comes down to this...

I have choices.

I could hang onto those outside triggers and blame them for my fear

OR

I can accept reality that there is nothing or no one that can stop me from being who I am suppose to be or what I am suppose to doing with my life, EXCEPT me.

I get in my own frickin' way!  

The negative emotions and thoughts wrap themselves around me until I feel paralyzed as if I have no way out.  That's simply not true.

The truth is... I ALWAYS have a choice

I detest being in a negative space.  

It's when I do the hard soul work, focus on finding resolves,  make the necessary changes, and get back into my positive  routines  that I come back stronger,  perhaps a little wiser.

I'll remember this...

The only thing in my way is me.

Thank You for your 

continued support and encouragement.

Surrender your dreams

Late yesterday afternoon I was in my studio feeling like I wanted to play a little.  I pulled out a pile of paper that I had used as a place to experiment different products.  I now use them as an inspirational starting point.  This background is  Dr. Martins Hydrus watercolors. As I was looking at it I saw this face peering thru.  She is a hidden visitor just waiting for me. 

I began to bring her to life then 2 more visitor showed themselves to me.  

The top one looks like a partial face with the eyes closed and the bottom left looks like a little girl. 

I'll be honest... this kind of stuff creeps me out a little, in a good way.

I decided to stop for the night and finish this in the morning.

Well...... my creative muse had other plans.  Needless to say, I couldn't sleep so I got out of bed and finished her in the wee hours of the morning.  I added details, toned down some of the brightness, finished the girl, then incorporated my latest favorite quote from Oprah.

She was DONE.  Now I can go to sleep.

I am grateful for divine guidance because 

when I follow I feel there is more depth to what I am creating.

she surrenders

She series #2
She is Learning to Surrender the Past

She is learning to surrender the past and live her life in the present.  No more looking over her shoulder with doubt, insecurities, and fear that are derived from the past.  She may not understand all that is happening in the present moment but she will trust it will all work out OK and the decisions of the present will have a significant impact on the future.   Steve Jobs said it best in his 2005 commencement speech to Stanford University.  If you haven't heard it before take a moment to listen.

Here is an excerpt from that speech:
"You can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backward. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever."  ...believing that the dots will connect down the road will give you the confidence to follow your heart, even when it leads you off the well worn path."