Returning to the fundamentals

photo by: Frank Busch on Unsplash

I started this blog in 2011 it was a means to document my creative journey, later in life and not being sure of what to do.  I simply put one foot in front of the other and trusted it would be revealed to me.   The truth is, most times I was bombarded by self-doubt.  I had never painted or drawn before so I was venturing out into the unknown.  I would use these writings/photos as a reference point to look back in time.  I could see where I was in comparison to where I am at the  present time.   I could see there was improvement, even on a small scale, that gave me the encouragement to keep going.  Today, I still feel those moments of self doubt yet along the way I have gained more confidence then when I started and more tools to help me overcome any of those negative thoughts.

This site, also, was intended to be an encouragement for anyone else who was interested in doing something out of their comfort.  You can begin by reading some of my earlier posts.

You see.. one of the things that frightened me the most was I would compare myself to others.  The really good artists.  Duh!!!  Now I know not to do that.   It would stop me dead in my tracks until one day it dawned on me that they had to begin at the beginning, too.

I remembered a song from a long time ago that inspired me and I started listening to it again.  HERE'S THE LINK TO WATCH

Here are some of the lyrics that I like:
It's not where you start, it's where you finish.
It's not how you go, it's how you land.
A hundred to one shot, they call him a klutz 
Can out-run the favorite, all he needs is the guts.
Your final return will not diminish
And you can be the cream of the crop;
It's not where you start, it's where you finish,
And you're gonna finish on top.

I have gotten more involved in creating art, selling my art, art shows/galleries, teaching, and learning that I have been remiss with this site.  That is going to change.  I am returning to the fundamentals of this blog,  Sharing my creative journey as I let my creative spirit out to play.

You can follow me via email or sign on as a follower.  These choices and others are on the sidebar of my homepage.

I will rise again!

My balloon may have been deflated........

I WILL rise again!

This blog is about my creative journey.  

Of the venturing out into the cyber world, sharing my art, and telling my truth.

I am focusing on being balanced and determined 

to take each step presented to propel myself and my art into the world.  

One of those steps, for me, is to get my art published in magazines.

On a cold day in December I put my "brave girl cape" on and submitted a piece of art 

to Cloth-Paper Scissors magazine for the Mixed-Media Flowers challenge.   

At that time I felt I had a really good chance of being selected. 

Today, I learned I that my name was not on the chosen list.

I wouldn't be included in this challenge.

If I am to speak my truth I will admit I was a little disappointed.

Yet what pleases me the most is to recognize that feeling dissipated rather quickly. 

I am learning in my studies of the Law of Attraction thru Abraham-Hicks that the more energy I put into something via my thoughts and feelings I will received more of the same.

I'm learning how to choose what I think and feel about.

Here is what I know, plain and simple, it is true I wasn't accepted into the magazine, at this time.

I will continue submitting to this magazine and many others.

I will eventually be accepted.

I WILL rise again!

Anyway.  Ready to see my art?

Poppies made from hot glue

what a difference a year makes.

As the end of 2016 draws near I take this time to reflect back on my artful and personal life. 

Often asking myself the same proverbial questions.  

Throughout the past year it has been easy to caught up in false assumptions 

that my dreams are so far away and may never come true.

Yet when I do take an in-depth look back I unveil an 

appreciation and deep satisfaction in my progress.

This feeling fuels me and propels me forward.

(click to enlarge)

I ask myself, "Why does it matter?"

I find this answer not an easy one to articulate.
The simple verbal response is to say that I am
using my gift, from God, of creating art.
February 2011, there was a pivotal moment.
I never knew that I could paint or draw until that time.
Creating art has changed my life.

I believe we are all creative yet we doubt ourselves 
and hesitate to let our creative spirit out to play.

PLEASE NOTE:   You can read all my entries that chronicle my creative journeyat the side bar of this blog under All Posts-Now & Then.

Thank You for all of your support and encouragement.

I couldn't do this without YOU!

There...I said it!

I started this blog as a place to share my creative journey.  I know when I first started down this path I was thirsty to learn how others have made their way.  I wanted to know, within my heart,  if they could do it, then so could I.  I wanted to hear the truth.  So I began to read blogs.  If I felt connected to the artist/person I read their blogs faithfully and even devoured their older posts, as well.  I still read them.  It was those posts that gave me courage to take that first step toward following what I call my creative journey.   I wanted to hear about their struggles and how they overcame them,  about their successes so I could celebrate with them.

Brene' Brown says "Ordinary courage is about putting our vulnerability on the line."  I consider myself to be a private person,  I am not one to tell people of my woes and worries or of being vulnerable.  Therefore, I always appear to be strong.  I have been called Polly Anna many times because I choose to look for a lesson in any given situation, which I believe is actually a good thing.  The truth is I like Polly Anna!!!

I've been questioning myself...
IF I value the stories of  lessons learned by others who have chosen to follow their creative spirits
and
IF I learned from the stories they told about the hurdles they overcame
and
IF I was there to celebrate their successes
and
IF I wanted this blog to be about my creative journey
Then I will become more vulnerable to share not only the highs but the lows, as well, of my creative journey.

Today in meditation (I follow Deepak Chopra and Oprah  21 day meditation) Deepak said "Not knowing what is the next thing that will bring you joy is called The Wisdom of Uncertainty.  Be quiet and receptive inside, open your eyes, and the next thing you see may be a source of magnificent joy."  When I heard those words tears started streaming down my face.  It was those words I needed  to hear.

What a relief it is, because of my Polly-Anna personality, to know that what I am feeling has a title The Wisdom of Uncertainty.  Ever since I lost my job in February and decided I was going to follow my creative path full-time I've had this unspoken, underlying, uncertainty of fear.  There I said it!  I've never said those words out loud because I didn't want to jinx my belief that I am doing exactly what I am suppose to be doing.  Now I have come to understand that keeping them to myself was detrimental to me and my creative journey.  I will continue to show up everyday (in my studio), do the work (creating art), and let the Universe/God take care of the rest.  The difference is that the silent fear no longer has power over me, I spoke it out loud, I called it out!

I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your continued support and encouragement.

fireworks and joint compound

For those of you who have been following my creative journey this may be a little redundant yet I feel a snippet of my story is important to re-tell.  Why?  Because there are many people sitting on the sidelines believing they "are not creative", this is what I believed, too.    I am here to tell you that is not the truth.  You are creative!  Always have been, always will be.  You simply need to begin to let your creative spirit out to play.

February, three years ago, on my 58th birthday, was a time of awakening for me.  I knew there was more to life then the daily routine of getting up, going to work, coming home, making supper, going to bed, etc. etc. etc.  You know what I'm talking about.  I didn't dislike my life, I just knew there was something more.   That thought remained in my mind/heart for three months, not knowing what to do about it.  Then one day in August I held a pencil in my hand with paper on my desk and I drew a face-this face. ---->

I was so frickin' excited!  

It was in that moment I knew I was creative!!!

Since that time I have been, and still am, on a creative journey to discover who I am artistically.  At first, I had to squeeze time into my task oriented schedule.  Because it was important to me I was able to do that.  I'm trying all sorts of new techniques and I am finding that within each technique there is something that makes me squeal with excitement.  My biggest obstacle I am forever faced with is FEAR.  Fear of this or fear of that!  The more I am aware of this the more determination is sparked to achieve my dream in spite of it.  I heard the saying, "give me a slow beginner and I'll show you a winner".    Well...that's me!  A slow beginner.  My life has changed.  Now that I am expressing myself creatively, I am enjoying life on a whole new level.  I feel more alive from the inside out. 

Back in April I posted about the urge to paint big, yet I was intimidated (fear in disguise).   I pulled out a blank canvas that measures 24" x 36" and hung it on my Living Room wall until I could muster up the courage to begin.  

Feel free to click this link to read more.  http://www.asmilemaker.com/2014/04/yes-i-can-do-that.html  

Fast forward three months to July. (remember I confessed to being a slow beginner!) Today I brought the blank canvas up to my studio  and sat it on my easel to begin painting it.   I decided for my first large canvas will use a lesson from Donna Downey's 48 Weeks class as my inspiration.  It's the fourth of July and the fireworks and joint compound are flying in my studio followed by lots of oo's and ah's.  Note to self:  next time put a tarp or some protective covering on the floor!  :-)  I immediately felt the satisfaction of overcoming a fear by simply beginning.

Here's what I did so far.

I began by mixing gesso with Golden Fluid medium Payne's Gray.  Using more gesso at the top and less toward the bottom.  After that was dry I applied joint compound with a spatula to create clouds.  I allowed the  joint compound to dry a little before brushing more gesso in a circular motion over the joint compound.   As I sit here looking at the painting I feel perfectionism (this is a form of fear) creeping in.   It's time to haul this baby back into the Living Room to dry. 

I sure hope you will stay tuned and be a witness to the progression of this piece.  It will be exciting to have you celebrate with me overcoming fear and creating my first large canvas.

gratitude

I am so grateful to each and everyone of you who have encouraged, supported, and been my cheerleader on this creative journey.

I have definitely been challenged to move out of many comfort zones.  With each step I take I know I am getting closer and closer to my dream. In the moment I might not always feel it, yet I know that I am only responsible for my action, not the result.  And by taking consistent action, I will achieve those results.

I want to continue to be grateful for everyone and everything in my life.  Sometimes when I am feeling the ebb of life I take my gratitude stone out of my pocket and stop for one moment to remember the things I am grateful for instead of dwelling on the unpleasant stuff.    Big or small, it doesn't matter.  In those few moments of concentrating on gratitude my attention shifts.  Which help me get back to where I want to be , in the flow of life.