I have been asking the Universe/God to open my heart. I know that it is time to rid myself of this protective shield I have built around me. With that comes many moments of hearty laughter along with moments of tears. Hell, I find myself tearing up at commercials on TV. I have shed many tears while watching The Voice as I see those people achieving their dreams. In those times when I would cry in public I know that I have felt awkward, even apologetic. Now I am see instead of feeling shame I should be utterly grateful.
A couple weeks ago I went to a Speak Easy. A tent folded card was placed on our chair and there was a word on the inside for us to speak about or pass speaking all together. Before I even looked inside I had already determined not to say anything because I felt uncomfortable (afraid). Right before it was my turn I opened my card to see the word TRUST. The flood gates opened, tears began flooding down my face. Between sobs I was able to utter out what the word TRUST had meant to me in that moment. Yes, I was a little embarrassed but I felt I was in a safe place. I felt even more comforted when the woman next to me gently put her hand on my shoulder and softly said she was the one who cried the week before.
When I was in my forties was a time that could say that I trusting. I believed in my purpose. I was challenging myself and doing things I once thought I couldn't. Stepping outside my comfort zone(s). OK, admittedly sometimes being forced out. Challenging myself. It was a time that I took chances, believing with all my heart that everything was going to be OK. And you know what... it was OK. I look now at myself with understanding a renewed conviction.
I AM LEAVING BEHIND WHAT NO LONGER SERVES ME AND REPLACING IT WITH TRUST.