Tuesday, November 17, 2015

Free Spirit

This morning after meditation I had a deep-seated revelation.  I came to understand the value of trusting.  As I look deep within I can see that as a child is when I began not to trust.  I didn't know what is was then or even as I continued to live my life.  Yet, in hindsight, it all makes sense.  I can now start to see where this has played a role in my adult life.  I may look like a pillar  of steel or like I have it all together yet the truth is I don't.  I am just like you.  Sometimes strong, sometimes not so strong.  Sometimes good, sometimes not so good.

I have been asking the Universe/God to open my heart.  I know that it is time to rid myself of this protective shield I have built around me.  With that comes many moments of hearty laughter along with moments of tears.  Hell, I find myself tearing up at commercials on TV.    I have shed many tears while watching The Voice as I see those people achieving their dreams.  In those times when I would cry in public I know that I have felt  awkward, even apologetic.  Now I am see instead of feeling shame I should be utterly grateful.

A couple weeks ago I went to a Speak Easy.  A tent folded card was placed on our chair and there was a word on the inside for us to speak about or pass speaking all together.  Before I even looked inside I had already determined not to say anything because I felt uncomfortable (afraid).   Right before it was my turn I opened my card to see the word TRUST.  The flood gates opened, tears began flooding down my face.  Between sobs I was able to utter out what the word TRUST had meant to me in that moment.  Yes, I was a little embarrassed but I felt I was in a safe place.  I felt even more comforted when the woman next to me gently put her hand on my shoulder and softly said she was the one who cried the week before.

When I was in my forties was a time that could say that I trusting.  I believed in my purpose.  I was challenging myself and doing things I once thought I couldn't.  Stepping outside my comfort zone(s).  OK, admittedly sometimes being forced out.  Challenging myself.  It was a time that I took chances, believing with all my heart that everything was going to be OK.  And you know what... it was OK.  I look now at myself with understanding a renewed conviction.


1 comment :

  1. Powerful post and lesson about the trust we need to have in ourselves in order to achieve our fullest potential!

    Thanks so much for following my new blog, friend! :-)



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