the story behind the art

I use to think that I could withstand most storms that came my way, literally or emotionally, by rationalizing it.   I'd focus on looking for a silver lining, a lesson to be learned, knowing the sun will come out after the rain, or finding a pony underneath all the horse shit.  

Thru one of my toughest times like my divorce in 1997 after 22 years of marriage I feel one of my strongest assets can be attributed to creating a POL (pissed off list).  

All those things that made me mad or made me scared I would write them down on this list.

I believe there is a place for rationalizing

I, also, have come to understand that feeling the emotion then releasing it 

is extremely cleansing and healing.   

Sometimes thru tears.

I recently feel like I lost a friendship and it has silently troubled me.  I know you are probably thinking, "So what.... friendships come and go!"   Quite honestly I felt the same way... So What... yet the feeling remained.
I turned to my journal to write about it.  I asked myself why it bothered me so much.
It eventually dawned on me that is was...
ABANDONMENT:   a subjective emotional state in which people feel undesired, left behind, insecure, or discarded.  
I started to weep.  Most of my childhood I felt this way and it was here again, in this moment.  Instead of brushing it off and rationalizing it I chose to sit with it. 
Thank You, God/Universe for bringing this person and the situation into my life.

The next morning as I entered my studio, this piece was readily available for me to create.

Titled, "Releasing Can Do Wonders"

Because this piece is resonating with many people.

I have prints available.

Let me know if you are interested and I will give you more details.

Sedona-a big part of my storyboard

I'm taking an on-line class by Jeanne Oliver titled:  Reflections: Paint Your Story - An Art Journaling Workshop.  It is a self-discovery journey.

One of the early assignments is to create a storyboard.  It's about gathering all kinds of stuff (photos, images, quotes) things that you love or things that will help tell your story.   From the past, present, and future.

I started my storyboard with a photo of me sitting at the top of Cathedral Rock in Sedona, AZ.  John was honoring me some quite time to sit and meditate.  (Thank You, John)  Sedona has a very special place in my heart.

It's interesting...  I have come to realize that I have not really given myself permission to dream.  I mean, I know there are things that I want in my life but dreaming and dreaming big I just haven't done it.  Maybe it has to do with my  past and living in "a lack of" atmosphere for the majority of my life.  Yet the truth is, it is vitally important to dream.  DREAM, DREAM BIG and not be concerned with how those dreams will become realized.  JUST DREAM!

Living in Sedona, Arizona would be one of my dreams.  (There I said it out loud!) I  am imagining  my art studio being spacious with enough space to create and teach classes.  It would have french doors opening up to a porch facing the beautiful red rocks where I often spend my time simply being.  John and I would spend our morning hours climbing the rocks, looking out to the beautiful land.  I would be filled with inspiration.  Oh my!  I'm excited now!

Here is the beginning of my storyboard.  As I said earlier, I have just begun.  I'll show the rest of it when I'm done.
 I am discovering I love creating using muted colors.  I enjoy working with different materials, my favorite right now if joint compound.  I love lace and dollies.  Even incorporating them into my art.   The family portrait is me and my sisters & brothers.  This marks a time in my life when I wasn't a happy kid, which was the case for most of my childhood, yet when I look at my face a little closer I see the glimmer in my eyes.  I was very introverted which in hindsight I see that it served it's purpose as a form of self protection.  Ms. Linke was the Principle of our school and, also, my 1st grade teacher.  She saw something in me and rescued me from what could have been a horrible life.  Because I was so introverted I had a difficult time talking.  She put together of team that worked with me.  I , very slowly, came out of that shell.

This is getting rather deep.  Isn't it?  I'm sharing info because this blog is about sharing my creative journey.  This happens to be part of that.  Stay with me.  The best is yet to come.